


Restricted Access

by CharliPetidei



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Basically just an excuse to write porn, Blow Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Smut, USUK - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:12:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7283122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharliPetidei/pseuds/CharliPetidei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur likes Alfred. Alfred likes practical jokes. If stooping to Alfred's level is the best way to liven up this boring office placement his college has insisted on, and possibly get Arthur closer to the hottest guy in the year at the same time, well...a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.<br/>But then Alfred goes too far. And Arthur has to get revenge. Except as luck would have it, hiding himself in Alfred's dorm room at night gains him a front-row seat to something...he hadn't quite bargained on seeing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restricted Access

That was it.

Arthur had just about had it with him.

Alfred _fucking_ Jones.

The absolute _twat_.

It had all started when Alfred had somehow managed to sneak a fake eyeball into Arthur’s morning cup of tea. Despite its horrendously juvenile nature, when he had lifted the mug to his lips to find a bright blue glass eye staring up at him from the dregs, it had frightened him so much that his heart had carried on racing even after he had stormed over to dump the remains of his tea over Alfred’s paperwork (and some onto his pristine white shirt too) as the student nearly fell off of his chair from laughing so hard.

The two were both in their first year of college, and by some stroke of luck (or maybe misfortune), having the surname ‘Kirkland’ in a class that had been split up alphabetically had landed him being paired up with Alfred ‘Jones’ for their first work experience placement – some slightly convoluted attempt by the dean to give an insight into the ‘world of work’. Arthur’s initial delight at being paired up with possibly the hottest guy in their year had waned slightly at the sight of the huge workload piled upon them both from day one, ensuring their interactions were purely limited to small talk during their scarce coffee breaks and Alfred’s stupid face-pulling whenever their eyes met.

But his enthusiasm picked up again when he discovered that they got along surprisingly well – despite Alfred’s habit of bringing disgustingly strong-smelling coffee into the office, and their frequent bickering over which documents belonged to whom at the printer. Arthur would have even gone so far as to say that he was starting to consider Alfred as something like a friend – that was, until Alfred decided to prank him.

It was completely pointless, unsolicited, and childish. And yet that didn’t stop Arthur from retaliating later that week by composing an official-looking, sternly-worded ‘come and see me immediately’ letter, signing it from the boss of the firm, and sticking it in Alfred’s pigeonhole. And damn, if Alfred didn’t look damn adorable when he was terrified.

The next day Arthur had come into work to find a suspiciously nonchalant-looking Alfred concentrating a little bit too hard on his work. Casting a glance over his desk, he had been unable to find anything obviously wrong. Slightly placated, Arthur had sat down hesitantly and turned on his computer, only to discover a short while later that someone had taken the time to reverse the keys on his mouse. And though Arthur would never admit it, he wasn’t technically adept enough to work out how to correct it and so even now he was being forced to function with a back-to-front mouse – something that only annoyed him more and more as the days and weeks went on.

And so a huge number of pranks had passed back and forth between them over the course of their placement, slowly becoming more and more outrageous. Whereas the exchange had started with small office pranks, such as Arthur taking advantage of Alfred’s trigger-happy nature with his stapler by hiding every single staple he could find at the bottom of Alfred’s in-tray (where Arthur knew he would never find them); Alfred removing and subsequently swapping around the keys on Arthur’s keyboard so that when he attempted to type quickly, he ended up with a page of jumbled garbage; and Arthur stealing Alfred’s beloved Marvel hole-punch and encasing it in vibrant green jelly; it gradually escalated into practical jokes extending out of their shared work-experience environment.

Alfred discovered where Arthur’s dorm room was, and took the time to draw a large, rather anatomically-incorrect (in Arthur’s opinion) penis on his door in sparkly purple ink. Despite Arthur’s best efforts, the drawing was still refusing to disappear. Arthur responded by letting himself into Alfred’s car and fixing a piece of string and a singing birthday card to the brake pedal so that whenever Alfred swung into his parking space in front of the office building, ‘happy birthday to you’ would screech out obnoxiously from behind the steering wheel. Much to Arthur’s delight, Alfred had proved unable to locate the source of the noise and this continued for best part of a week.

Arthur’s latest prank had been to cut out various explicit pictures from a porno magazine Francis had given him, and scatter them throughout Alfred’s personal belongings and paperwork – Alfred’s face when their supervisor at the firm had come over to check on their progress to find that his folder was bursting with x-rated clippings was simply priceless. And so the practical jokes had carried on, each one getting more daring and invasive as the weeks passed, and as Arthur’s interest in Alfred escalated into a full-blown crush.

But now _this_? This was too far.

Somehow Alfred had managed to get _into_ Arthur’s dorm.

After a long day at the firm, trying to second-guess Alfred’s next move and getting increasingly frustrated when Alfred only made polite conversation and offered to refill the printer ink for him, Arthur had gone back to campus, made his way to his hall, and opened the door to his dorm, only to find that every inch of the room had been covered in either toilet paper, clingfilm, or a mixture of the two. Not even his toothbrush, clothes, or the stack of gay porno magazines under his bed (that he was looking after for _Francis_ , dammit) had been spared. Alfred had even gone to the trouble of cling-filming every single one of his socks separately.

Arthur sat down on his bed after tearing off metres of clingfilm and pulling down the strings of toilet paper tacked to the ceiling, inwardly fuming.

No matter how sexy Arthur found him could not make up for this. This was absolutely _uncalled_ for. Yes, the dirty cutouts had been rather over-the-top, and had landed Alfred in a fair amount of hot water. _But this?_ This was uncalled for!

Arthur was not going to stand for this.

He had no idea which hall Alfred was staying in, but he sure as hell was going to find out.

~

Over the next couple of days, Arthur began hatching a plan to scare Alfred _shitless_.

He started by finding out from the absent-minded caretaker where Alfred’s dorm was – and was shocked to find that it was in a hall not too far away from his own – only a couple of minutes on foot.

He had found out that Alfred harboured a fear of the supernatural during one of their very first conversations, in which Arthur had suggested that the stairway in the office must be haunted from the way the lights were constantly flickering on and off. And as soon as he’d mentioned ghosts, Alfred’s face had gone a startling shade of white and Arthur knew that he still wasn’t comfortable going down the stairs alone.

So.

It to be a simple, but devastatingly effective plan.

It was Wednesday. No one would be going out that evening. Both Alfred and Arthur had late hours at the accountancy firm, and so Arthur found himself feigning a stomach bug one hour before the end of the day in order to get back to his dorm early, grab a white sheet and a hairpin left in his chest of drawers by the room’s previous occupant, and make his way over to the Burgess Building, room 78, just as the sun was setting.

After a brief check of the hallway in either direction, Arthur frantically set about jimmying the lock with the hairpin. He’d only ever tried the trick once before and he’d been drunk at the time so he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to repeat it, but thankfully after only a few moments there was a noisy click and the door swung inwards.

Forcing himself not to have a nosy peek through Alfred’s belongings, Arthur made his way further into the room, wrinkling his nose at the piles of crumpled clothing on the floor. At least that meant he was more likely to succeed in his plan. If Alfred didn’t open his wardrobe in the evening, then that would be a perfect place to hide for the evening.

He draped the white sheet over himself, tucked the hairpin into his pocket, and stepped inside the wardrobe, settling himself in amongst the shoes and underwear, before closing the doors and noting with a grin that there was a small gap between them through which he would be able to see.

And even if it was a cheap trick, bursting out of the wardrobe with a bloodcurdling scream just as Alfred was falling asleep was definitely going to have the desired effect.

Perfect. All he had to do now was wait.

~

Thankfully, not too much later, Arthur heard the unmistakeable “aw, _balls_ ” as Alfred went to unlock his door and found it already open, assuming it had been unlocked all day. Then the sound of the door closing and a bag being thrown onto the floor.

Arthur settled himself against the back of the wardrobe with a grin as Alfred came into the room, yawning and shrugging off his jacket. Running a hand through his hair, he swung his feet up and threw himself across the bed with a sigh – and Arthur noticed with a grin that he was wearing socks patterned with the same Marvel characters that adorned his hole-punch.

After a few minutes of flicking through his phone, occasionally grinning absently at something, Alfred set his phone back on his bedside table and reached down to pull his shirt over his head.

Helplessly curious, Arthur leaned closer towards the gap in the door. He surreptitiously adjusted the white sheet so that he could see better.

And bloody hell, that boy must work out.

Arthur allowed himself a moment to appreciate the tanned curves of muscle on Alfred’s torso before blushing vividly and drawing back, wrapping his arms around himself.

Seemingly as an afterthought, Alfred got up and walked into the ensuite bathroom, allowing Arthur to listen to the various bouts of tuneless whistling emanating from his direction as cupboards were opened and the tap was turned on and off several times.

Eventually Alfred emerged from the bathroom, furiously brushing his teeth as he dragged a comb through his hair, and paused in front of the mirror for a moment, grimacing to check his teeth in a way that was definitely not adorable, dammit. More crashes and loud noises followed as Alfred re-entered the bathroom, before Arthur heard the light being pulled and he ducked away from the wardrobe door as Alfred walked back into the room again.

Alfred kicked off his jeans, leaving them, as expected, in a crumpled mess on the floor, and switched off the main light before clambering onto the bed and turning on the lamp next to him. Once more he reached for his phone and spent a long while thumbing through various pages and occasionally snickering softly or muttering ‘oh, man…’

Arthur quietly removed a studded football boot from between him and the wall, and resettled himself in a position to admire the way Alfred’s skin looked golden in the soft lamplight, and the way his tousled hair looked neater now than he had ever seen it before.

Finally Alfred put his phone to one side again, and settled back against the headboard with a sigh, running a hand through his hair and instantly messing it up again. His eyes slid shut and he appeared to relax against the pillows.

After a minute or so, Arthur drew the sheet closer around him, readying himself to jump out and act as ghost-like as possible. But as he did so, Alfred moved, and Arthur froze.

He stayed stock still for a moment, fearing that Alfred had somehow discovered his hiding place.

But he didn’t appear to have done.

Instead - Arthur was mortified to realise - he was reaching down to his boxers.

Arthur stiffened, hardly daring to breathe as Alfred let his head fall back against the headboard and his hand started moving in small circles on the fabric of his underwear.

Every instinct in Arthur screamed at him to jump out now before it became impossible to, but something held him back as he watched Alfred slowly slide a hand inside his boxers, gently moving in a circular motion.

Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

Arthur was really not supposed to be watching this.

He tried to look away, but was soon watching avidly again, taking in the sight of Alfred’s cock, still hidden in his underwear, but steadily becoming more visible.

And then Alfred was pulling down his boxer shorts and kicking them off the bed, eyes sliding shut, and Arthur’s heart was beating in his throat as he couldn’t help but stare at Alfred’s hand, moving languidly up and down his cock.

Alfred let out a gentle groan and Arthur realised that he was going to get far too turned on if he kept watching this. His fingers were already itching to slide into his own jeans, the sight in front of him making him hornier than he’d been in quite some time.

And oh shit the noises Alfred was making, bloody hell…

Alfred’s back arched off the mattress as he bucked into his hand, fist bobbing up and down quicker now, thumb sliding over the head and smearing the precum along the shaft. And Arthur was getting far too aroused now, as he started rubbing the heel of his palm against his crotch, searching for the friction his body so desperately wanted. He shrugged off the white sheet, throwing it to one side.

Alfred’s cheeks were flushed and his cock was rosy at the tip, fully erect now – and Arthur had to admit it was rather larger than his own. Perhaps some of Alfred’s…cruder…jokes had some founding in reality.

“Hnng…” Alfred’s lips parted and he gave a low moan, head tilting back to expose his neck, his dormant hand reaching down to caress and squeeze the base of his cock as his other swept across the tip, still sliding up and down the shaft. His fingers dragged roughly over the head and he let out a soft groan.

Arthur muffled a gasp as his hips jerked, seeking more friction. He hesitantly undid the buttons on his jeans and slid a hand inside, under the waistband of his boxers, and sighed softly as his hand finally came into contact with his cock, already hard and waiting.

Oh dear god this was so wrong, Arthur should not be doing this, holy shit-

But dear holy fuck, Alfred’s hips were snapping upwards, gasps escaping his open mouth, fingers caressing and stroking along his length, and Arthur would like absolutely nothing more than to be next to him right now, able to better see the expressions he was making, skin against skin, hands tangled in hair and legs wrapped around him and…

And now Alfred’s hand was moving even faster, hips jerking, offbeat, breath coming in gasps and chest shaking. He palmed roughly at the head of his cock and let out a sharp gasp.

“Hah- Arthur-!”

Eyes flying open, Arthur jumped about a mile, whacking his head on the wardrobe door with a resounding smack – and Alfred went absolutely still.

“What the fuck?”

And before Arthur even had a chance to move, or cover himself up, or do anything vaguely self-preserving at all, Alfred had leapt up, snatching his duvet up around him, and thrown open the wardrobe door.

“What the – oh shit! _Arthur_ …?”

Arthur blinked up at him, mouth open, mortified, and then rapidly jerked his hand out of his jeans as he realised where it was.

“Fuck I am – I’m so sorry I-”

“What the hell are you doing in my closet?!”

Alfred was still breathing heavily, and Arthur couldn’t help but notice the way his erection was tenting the duvet cover he had wrapped around himself.

“I – I was trying to prank you – fuck – I-”

But Alfred had gone bright red, and backed away, drawing the duvet tighter around himself. “Get out!”

Arthur staggered out of the wardrobe, trying to ignore the fact that his erection was all too obvious beneath his unbuttoned jeans. “I swear – I didn’t mean to-”

“Catching someone like that is hardly a fun prank! What the fuck?!”

“I didn’t know you were going to have a…a wank!” Arthur cried, and some sudden bizarre urge to laugh had him biting his lip to keep a straight face.

Alfred looked just about as embarrassed as Arthur felt. Even the tips of his ears were pink. “Get _out_!” he shouted again.

And Arthur tried to make for the door, but tripped over Alfred’s jeans, still lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. He tried to grab onto Alfred’s arm to stop his fall but caught him off balance instead, pulling him down with him.

Arthur smacked his head against the floor with a sharp cry as Alfred stumbled and fell on top of him with little warning or grace. There was a moment of silence before Alfred hurriedly sat up, and Arthur was furious with himself for instantly thinking that this was a rather advantageous position to be in.

“Shit. Are you okay?”

Arthur winced. “I think so.”

There was another pause and Alfred shifted slightly as if making to get up. Arthur gasped out a moan at the friction and Alfred froze again.

“Shit, are you hurt? Are you-”

“You are literally sitting on my dick,” Arthur mumbled.

He looked down at the same time Alfred did, and realised with a start that Alfred’s preservative duvet was no longer hiding what Alfred had originally meant for it to hide.

Alfred was sitting on top of him, a duvet over his shoulders, but his erection very much on show and dragging against Arthur’s stomach.

Arthur stared at him, thinking back to how he’d blown his cover in the first place. “Were you thinking about me?” he whispered.

Alfred remained frozen in embarrassment. But his eyes flickered down once more, at Arthur’s unbuckled jeans, at the bulge in his underwear. “Were you watching me?” he responded, so quietly that Arthur could barely hear him.

There was another pause, then Arthur frowned momentarily, and with a passionate “Oh, fuck it,” he reached up, grasped Alfred’s face, yanked him down, and kissed him so forcefully that Alfred slid off his lap in shock.

Arthur leaned back, eyes wide, and Alfred giggled at him – fucking giggled – before climbing back onto him and finally, finally he was kissing him back, hands grasping and head spinning, Arthur dizzy with the feeling of Alfred’s weight on top of him and his thighs either side of his waist as he opened his mouth and their tongues met, hearts racing because at last, at last, at last!

Arthur broke away for a moment. “Fucking-finally-” he voiced breathlessly, and Alfred laughed giddily into his neck.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, grinning so hard that Arthur could feel it against his skin.

There was a moment of contented silence, save for two sets of heavy breathing, before Alfred sat up. “Are you okay?”

“With-this?” Arthur asked dizzily, disorientated by Alfred’s sudden movement.

Grinning, Alfred shook his head. “With being on the floor.”

“Oh.” Arthur watched as Alfred slowly got up and held out a hand to pull him to his feet. “Oh, no…’t was fine, yeah-”  he mumbled, staggering upright.

Alfred eyed him with a grin. “What happened to your flawless grammar?”

Arthur scowled, head still spinning. “You try…fucking…speaking Shakespeare when you-you’ve wanted to fuck someone for-for…months, and then they go an’ fuckin-”

And Arthur heard Alfred’s breath catch momentarily before he was kissing him again, hands either side of his jaw, tilting his face up towards him, and Arthur’s hands slid down Alfred’s back, pressing into the dips and bumps of spine as though he wanted to map out every single one.

“Alfred…” Arthur breathed, and the sound that forced its way through Alfred’s throat was worth every single moment of embarrassment earlier.

At some point Arthur’s back hit the wall, and at some point he’d lost his jeans and his shirt, and at some point he had started rutting up against Alfred with only the thin fabric of his boxers between them.

Alfred hand slipped inside his underwear and Arthur’s head fell back against the wall, legs buckling as Alfred jerked him off, rough and heady and fuck, Arthur’s mind was spinning and oh shit he was going to come if…

“Wait, stop – stop!” Arthur blurted out, and Alfred immediately stepped back, hands dropping to his sides, eyes wide.

“No, wait…” Arthur mumbled. He tried to shake off the dizziness and took a breath.

“You just… You need to stop for a second, ah…” Arthur tried to think of an eloquent way to phrase it. “Or I’m…” No ideas were forthcoming. “I’m going to come. Now.”

He coughed, embarrassed, and Alfred giggled. “Ok.”

There was a pause, then Arthur noticed Alfred stepping forward with a glint in his eye.

“Alfre-e-d-” he warned, before letting out a shriek as Alfred bent down and swept him into his arms, bridal style.

And Arthur was expecting a rough landing but Alfred laid him gently down on his bed, smiling. “There we go,” he said softly.

Arthur blushed. “Get down here.”

And Alfred was still laughing as he crawled onto the bed, sliding a hand beneath his head to kiss him.

And this time it was slow, and gentle, and Arthur almost felt as if he could taste love in Alfred’s mouth, eyes shut and lips moving softly together, and it felt like he was special, like he could be broken if Alfred didn’t keep touching him so gently, like Alfred was surrounding him but not overwhelming him, and fuck, this was romantic, and Arthur had never tried to do romance with an erection before.

“You’re heavy,” Arthur said softly, and Alfred happily rolled them over so that Arthur was lying on top of him instead. Arthur reached down to fiddle with Alfred’s hair.

“I had…no idea you-er, were… into guys,” Arthur mumbled, because he felt like he needed to say something.

Alfred laughed. “I knew you were.”

“What?! How?!”

“The magazines under your bed. You know, when I saran-wrapped your room?” Alfred responded.

“They were Francis’! I was- I! He made me look after them f-for him!” Arthur cried.

Alfred raised an eyebrow. “Oh, sure. And you never even had a little look?”

Arthur blushed heavily, scowling. “What _are_ you trying to insinuate-?!”

And Alfred was laughing, leaning up to kiss him, and Arthur was trying to not to grin and he was overcome by the feeling of warm, gentle hands on his hips, and how beautiful Alfred looked underneath him as their hips rocked together, reminding them both how little there was between them as they gasped as one and Arthur was thinking that maybe Alfred Jones wasn’t too bad after all.

His eyes flew open as he felt a warm hand against his cock and gasped without sound as Alfred palmed him, but slower this time, not so desperate.  Arthur flattened his palms against Alfred’s face and kissed him to try and show him what he was feeling and it seemed to work because a moment later Alfred bucked up into him before rolling them over again and grinding his hips down into Arthur’s in a steady pace that Arthur was sure was going to completely undo him if he didn’t get his underwear off right – now –

“What d’you want?” Alfred asked him breathily.

“Want you to- ah – fuck me-” Arthur gasped out immediately.

And then it was as if Alfred couldn’t get Arthur undressed fast enough – fumbling with shaking hands and a dizzied look in his eyes.

“Do-do you have any lube, or anything –ah-” Arthur whispered, and Alfred grinned.

“You were probably sitting on it,” he said.

“Wha-?”

“It’s on the floor of my closet.”

“Oh.”

They paused for a moment, and Alfred laughed. “Just a sec-”

He climbed off of Arthur and peered into the wardrobe “What’s the white sheet in there for?” he asked.

Arthur nearly choked. “I was- uh, I was going to pretend to be a ghost and, um, scare you. Shitless,” he explained awkwardly.

Alfred turned to look at him, wide-eyed, before starting to laugh. “You know, that probably would have worked,” he said, making Arthur grin, before leaning down to rummage around in the depths of the wardrobe. Eventually he found what he was looking for and returned triumphantly, scrambling onto the bed with a bottle of lube.

“Ta da!”

Arthur rolled his eyes, grinning. “You’re such a dork.”

“For the ghost thing or the ‘ta da’?” Alfred asked with a grin.

Arthur stretched his arms out behind his head, smiling. “Both.”

“Well, if you’re going to insult me, I could always go and, you know, sort myself out alone?” he suggested, eyebrows raised.

“Not if you want a blow job,” Arthur said without thinking, and was immediately glad he had when Alfred went pink.

And so, trying not to chuckle, Arthur sat up, crawled forward, and closed his mouth over the head of Alfred’s cock, tongue flitting over the slit and lips sliding up and down the shaft.

Alfred’s gasp went straight to his crotch as Arthur pushed his legs further apart so that he could take more of him into his mouth. Alfred’s hands lowered shakily to knot in Arthur’s hair, hips jerking involuntarily.

As Arthur bobbed his head, Alfred gasped softly and tried to muffle other noises of pleasure, hips jerking occasionally as the desire to thrust briefly overpowered his attempts to stop himself.

Arthur pressed his tongue flat against the base of Alfred’s cock, roughing lathing along the vein there, and Alfred practically whimpered, fingers tangled so tightly in Arthur’s hair that it almost hurt, but by God, it was worth it with the noises he kept making.

And Alfred was practically straining forward into Arthur’s mouth now, a soft whine vibrating in the base of his throat, and Arthur realised that it was getting harder and harder to ignore his own erection.

With an obscene noise, Arthur released Alfred’s cock and climbed back up the bed to sprawl over Alfred’s body, lips seeking Alfred’s own again.

And as they kissed, Alfred thrust up against him, rolling their erections together and making Arthur gasp. “So were-were you going to fuck me or…?” Arthur whispered breathily.

Alfred kissed him again, long and hard, before his hands began roaming further down Arthur’s back. Arthur shuffled backwards and sat up so that Alfred could push himself up as well.

Arthur reached for Alfred’s cock and started stroking as Alfred coated his fingers in lube and carefully pressed a finger along the cleft of his arse before gently pressing inside, and Arthur was so aware of how careful he was being that it made him kiss him again.

Soon a second and a third finger were added, as Arthur busied himself with making Alfred gasp by dragging his hand along his cock - an attempt to distract himself from the faint burn at Alfred’s touch.

“Ah- Artie – stop it-” Alfred keened, bucking into his touch as Arthur roughly thumbed at the tip of his cock, and Arthur grinned up at him.

“Why?”

“You’re going to make me lose it,” Alfred replied pointedly, and then Arthur forgot how to breathe properly for a while as Alfred’s fingers found his prostate.

And Arthur was already completely wrecked now, because this was what he’d been fantasising about for the last month and Alfred was so cautious but so eager at the same time, and by god did Arthur want him to fuck him now.

“Alfred-” Arthur whined gently and Alfred’s breath stuttered in his throat as he removed his fingers, suddenly nervous.

“How do you want to-?”

“Roll us over,” Arthur murmured, and Alfred obliged, pinning Arthur beneath him with a roll of his hips and a delicate kiss to his jaw.

“Okay?” he asked softly.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I’ve been thinking this would be okay for a bloody long time now.”

And with a breathless laugh, Alfred pulled at Arthur’s legs, sliding closer and then finally beginning to enter him.

Breath catching in his throat, Arthur tipped his head back as he grew accustomed to the steady burn of Alfred pushing into him, focusing instead on the ridged muscles of Alfred’s torso and the muffled ‘oh shit’ that Alfred tried to suppress, making him giggle.

He grinned at the expression on Alfred’s face, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation, and leaned up to pop a kiss onto Alfred’s nose. “Y’alright?”

Alfred stared at him, cheeks flushed. “That has got to be the strangest moment that anyone has ever asked me that,” he muttered, voice strained. There was a pause whilst Arthur giggled. “Don’t make any sudden movements.”

And Arthur was laughing again because Alfred was trying so hard not to come that it was comical and he was giddy with excitement and Alfred was bloody gorgeous and he was fucking him and he pulled Alfred’s face down to kiss him again, letting Alfred press further until finally he was inside him and there was stillness.

Alfred’s expression seemed faintly surprised and Arthur thought he must be getting addicted to Alfred’s mouth because he couldn’t help himself from rising slightly off the pillows to kiss him again, and this time the passion with which Alfred responded made him tighten around his cock, hips jerking.

And Alfred let out a gasp so Arthur wrapped his legs around his waist with an- “It’s okay, I’m okay, you can move-” and finally he did and it burned, it really burned, but this was worth it to see the expressions Alfred was making, this time up close and able to see the shadows passing over his face, each sharp intake of breath and hitch in his voice, and Arthur shifted his hips again and there, there, as his head fell back against the mattress and Alfred increased his pace, pressing his mouth against Arthur’s exposed neck and showering it with kisses, hot and wet, and panting against skin, and soft moans and hearts racing because finally, finally, with his hands around the back of Alfred’s neck, holding on through the waves and rolls and spikes of pleasure coursing through him.

A hand on his cock, making Arthur’s eyes snap open, and shit, he was close, and he’d been close for so long that he needed to come, to come now, and so he kissed him again, murmuring “Alfred…” against his lips, and Alfred’s hips were snapping back and forth irregularly, before he tensed and cried out a desperate “Arthur!” in a voice that cracked, body arching over him, stretched taut and muscles quivering, before finally going slack, and it was his expression that did it, Arthur thrusting up into Alfred’s hand, finally coming undone and kissing him with everything he had, hands cupped tight around his jaw and back arched as Alfred’s name spilled from his lips.

It was still.

Alfred was panting heavily into Arthur’s neck and Arthur’s pulse was racing as he loosened his grasp on Alfred’s jaw to lean back and grin up at him. Alfred’s eyes flickered open and he smiled widely back, before dipping his neck to kiss along the line of Arthur’s jaw, lips brushing across his neck, mouthing at the corner of his lips, whilst Arthur giggled, fingers toying with the sandy curls of hair at the base of Alfred’s neck.

“You’re gorgeous,” Alfred murmured, and Arthur blushed.

“You’ve clearly not seen yourself,” he muttered, and Alfred looked delighted, kissing Arthur softly again. He gently pulled away, Arthur shifting his hips at the odd sensation, climbed off him, and lay back down again, drawing Arthur close.

There was a comforting silence for a moment, Arthur listening to Alfred’s soft breathing and feeling the thump of his heartbeat as he brushed a lock of Alfred’s hair out of his eyes,

“Your cock’s nice,” he said absently, and Alfred laughed breathlessly, pink-cheeked.

“Your pillow talk is…kinda strange,” he murmured.

Arthur frowned at him and Alfred laughed again.

“Earlier you asked me if I was okay when you were the one bottoming, I mean, jeez-”

Arthur grinned at his expression. “You looked like you were in pain.”

"I was _trying_ not to come," Alfred responded, blushing darker, and Arthur giggled, stretching forward to press a delicate kiss to the corner of his lips. He made as if to lean back, but Alfred followed him, prolonging the kiss and making Arthur’s breath catch. He felt Alfred’s hands warm on the back of his neck and he sighed contentedly, eyes sliding shut, Alfred’s tongue tracing along his own as his mouth opened.

Alfred gently leant back. “That was amazing. You’re amazing,” he murmured, and it was Arthur’s turn to blush now, cheeks warming up.

“I have to tell you, I, uh, I’m not very good at romance, I mean…”

Alfred smiled softly at him. He plied Arthur’s lips with another kiss, rolling to one side and pulling Arthur on top of him, hands on the backs of his thighs.

“You don’t have to be romantic if you don’t want to,” Alfred said. “I mean, it’s not like we’ve promised anything-”

“But I do want to,” Arthur said, and Alfred blinked up at him, hopeful. “And I’m going to try to.” He backtracked abruptly. “If- if you wanted to, I mean!”

Alfred’s gentle smile widened into a grin. “Are you kidding? I spent like two weeks at that placement trying to think of a way to get your attention before I ended up _pranking_ you.”

“I’m still not over that eyeball. Where the hell did you get it?”

“Secret sources.” Alfred tapped his nose confidentially and Arthur grinned, rolling his eyes.

A moment more of silence passed. “So…does this mean that we call a truce?” Arthur asked.

“…Do we get to do this again?”

And Arthur laughed. “Bloody hell, yes.”

“Then I am 110% up for a truce.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this is basically just shameless smut.  
> I hope you all enjoyed! Please let me know in the comments, or give kudos if you did! I’m very new to AO3 because I wanted a different account than my ff.net one on which to post my porn :D  
> N.B concerning inspiration: the ‘reversing the keys on the computer mouse’ prank came from a joke someone played on my chemistry teacher once. He couldn’t fix it for months – he just got increasingly frustrated and when he finally called tech in to help him out and they sorted it out for him, it then took him equally long to get used to using the mouse normally again XD Bear in mind that said teacher is a grumpy, teenager-hating, technologically-inept South African guy so no one had any sympathy whatsoever and I highly applaud whoever did it in the first place. Also, of course the hole-punch in jelly came from the office because that show is 10/10 (UK and US versions!)


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